Hiii, happy 2013. I’m only a month late.
Yesterday I made some changes to my online life, jiggled things about, shut down parts of it.. in a bid to retain my sanity and also in a bid to be more social on other platforms. When you find yourself with over 400 “friends” on places like Plurk or FB, or Twitter, but really, a chunk of those people aren’t your friends, they’re acquaintances at best, people you see type, you don’t actually converse with them… and you start to lose who you are because of it, it’s time to change that stuff, yo! There are strong opinions everywhere, but I’m not the type to enjoy having opinions that aren’t mine shoved down my throat, or be bossed about, or be ignored, or anything like that.. I’m a placid, kind person, too kind (4 ppl have said that in the last 24 hrs!) and I was starting to feel… not like that person, it’s been coming for a long time and I finally thought yesterday, you know what… if it isn’t fun, run.
So anyway this post is marking a new start, a start where I can start to start to root out the real me again, the me that doesn’t worry too much about what people think, the me that won’t be upset if someone that doesn’t even really know me or bother with me, or likes me… suggests i’m not a good person, or i’m boring, or i blog too much or too little or any other opinion they have at the time. I know who I am deep down, and my nearest and dearest know the real me, and they love me, and you know what? That’s all the validation I need. Right? Right!
I’m sick of people suggesting my friends list or friends defines me, they do not. What defines me is my personality, me, the person I am and strive to be Sure the people I align myself with are ppl I obviously choose to asscociate with, but how many of you can say you always agree and share the same principles as your “friends”? How many of you have a huge fb list, or plurk, or wherever can honestly say outside of that platform that you even talk to these “friends”? Not many.
I’m sick of the moral police that judge you. My moral compass works for me. Yours works for you. Let’s just agree to have different compasses without a huge debate.
I was finding on plurk (and FB for that matter) I wasn’t agreeing with much lately, I don’t partake in internet dramatics if I can help it, because I have better things to do, but I was feeling myself being sucked in and I hated it. Of course you get upset if people call you names, if they’re mean to you, but it’s how you choose to deal with it that makes the difference. I wasn’t sure anymore how to deal with it all, the seeing a bunch of drama, people being upset, not really having loyalty or affiliation either way but feeling I should. I’m a fiercely loyal person, to an extent and to those that I am close to, but I don’t want to get involved in fights, battles, whatevers.. I’m a 33yr old mother of 2, the internet for me is supposed to be somewhere I can come to get away from the whole amateur dramatics my 12yr old tells me about on a daily basis. Is that wrong? Does that make me a bad person?
Perhaps it does. But it’s time I started looking after me, doing things that make me happy, that make me feel like myself without fear of rejection or retribution or having vague snarky comments therown at me, or people on my “friends” list judging me for whatever reason. This is my life. This is my happiness, who is anyone to have a say in that but those dearest to me?
This has been a ramble, as usual, and I’m sure some people will think it’s aimed at them, it’s not. I will miss the 400 “friends” I had, but pretty sure 350 of those won’t even care or notice or be indifferent either way, at one time I’d be upset by that, but now, it feels like a relief.
I feel like a weight has been lifted. And nobody should ever have to feel like that about a place that is supposed to be fun. I’m too sensitive, I take too much to heart, I care too much about what people think. Shocker, eh? I’m flawed. But I’m going to be flawed my way, take me or leave me.
Nobody will probably make it this far, but if you do and you’re one of the people I’ve left behind, feel free to add me in world Willow Zander. Or gtalk firstname.lastname@example.org.
This is a positive thing for me, I’ve already talked to 2 ppl I’d normally only say hi to on social platforms, it felt great!!!!!!